Grief & Loss

One of the hardest parts of life is saying goodbye to those we love and the emotional pain that comes with this.  The sadness we feel can feel unbearable like a giant wave of emotion engulfing us.

The stages of grief are known as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Kubler-Ross) and much has been researched and written on this topic.  It is important to know that these stages are not part of a linear process. We feel different things at different times. Memories can be triggered by something familiar, an important date, a special place, a nostalgic song or even a smell or fragrance can bring the memories flooding back.  Sometimes special family times like Christmas and New Year can be challenging, whilst joyous occasions for many, it can be a very lonely and sad time for those who grieve.

At some point along the way, we may actually think we are over what has happened, only to find that we once again revisit some of these complex feelings.  We really don’t ever “get over” losing the ones we love ….. how could we?  Even in death our loved ones remain an integral and cherished part of our lives and our story.  In time, when we feel stronger, and sometimes with a little help, we will be able to integrate the loss of this person into our lives in a special and truly meaningful way.

The grieving process however is a natural and necessary part of the healing process and when the time feels right, we can move forward with our lives.  After all, this is what our loved ones would want for us. 

Having said this, there are different types of grief and loss that individuals experience. 

Disenfranchised grief for example, the grief that often goes unnoticed or unseen by others. It is common to experience grief and loss due to separation and divorce, the loss of a pregnancy, infertility, job loss, loss of independence through illness or injury, or the loss of a much loved pet.  The pain and loss of these events is often felt very deeply indeed.

Complicated grief may be the result of a sudden, traumatic or unexpected death of someone close and those left behind may really struggle to come to grips with this type of loss. 

Counselling can be most helpful in supporting and assisting people to cope with loss, it can help us to come to terms with what has happened, to begin to heal … while honouring the memory of those we have loved so dearly and to look out with hope towards the future.

Little by little we let go of loss …. but never of love.

Reference:  Kubler-Ross, E. (1969). On Death and Dying. The Five Stages of Grief